peace jesus, it's been chill. http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/
**********************************************************************************************
'CARLES IS DEAD'
///THE INTERNETS' GREATEST DEATH MEME SINCE MJ///
"I just want 4 walls and adobe slabs for my Carles." It's too late, AnCo. 'Carles is Dead.'
Where have all the bloggers gone? 1st Maddox, now Carles. Seems like he went 'before his time.' Only 'the good' 'die young.'
Is this the greatest internet suicide since Ed Drosty deleted his tweeter?
Why do you think Carles 'offed himself?'
Do u think the internet needs a bully?
Who will be the new bully?
Did Carles 'fake' his death?
Did some1 'Hackster Ranoff' Hipster Runoff?
Are skinny jeans still fashionable?
///THE INTERNETS' GREATEST DEATH MEME SINCE MJ///
"I just want 4 walls and adobe slabs for my Carles." It's too late, AnCo. 'Carles is Dead.'
///Obituary////
Carles was born on the internet sometime in mid 2k7. He began as a 'music blogger' and joined The Hype Machine and Elbo.ws. Three wise men saw a shining IP address and came to bring him gifts. Anthony Vlody brought him the Hype Machine. Brandon brought him Elbo.ws. Gorilla brought him Bear. Jesus was there too. Carles lived a sheltered life. Sometimes he would blog about 'the feist' and 'The Teenagers'; He didn't care if you read his blog or not. He would give you free mp3's anyway. He thought you wanted to listen. He was 'innocent.' He was 'happy.'
Carles was born on the internet sometime in mid 2k7. He began as a 'music blogger' and joined The Hype Machine and Elbo.ws. Three wise men saw a shining IP address and came to bring him gifts. Anthony Vlody brought him the Hype Machine. Brandon brought him Elbo.ws. Gorilla brought him Bear. Jesus was there too. Carles lived a sheltered life. Sometimes he would blog about 'the feist' and 'The Teenagers'; He didn't care if you read his blog or not. He would give you free mp3's anyway. He thought you wanted to listen. He was 'innocent.' He was 'happy.'
Then Carles got vulnerable. His speech deteriorated into internets speaks. He realized that the internet wasn't living in a 'fucking dreamworld.' He realized the internet was a 'fucking dreamword.' He saw blogs posting for 'mad hits.' He saw the rise of the Black Kids. He saw the fall of the Black Kids. He saw that artists needed to be 'anointed' before they were blogged about. Things like Gorillvsbearcore and Ed Drostegaze were real. He saw that P4k was being worshipped. But those who who wanted to 'warshit' P4k remained silent. But Carles spoke. He decided to become 'a blog worth blogging about.'
Carles saw the good and the bad. He saw AnCo made MPP. He saw the Griz Bear make Veckatimist. But then he saw the worst. 9.6's are 'fucking ridiculous.' It was not about the music anymore like 'the good old days.' It was about who was better. Who would make the 'best of the month' 'best of the year' 'best of the decade' 'best of the 2k9999999' Carles then became 'a man,' who then became 'Siddhartha.' He was the blogosphere's 'internet bully budha.' He spoke when all blindly blogged. He spoke.
He spoke when blogs bragged about 'topping the hype machine.' When 'music lovers' blogged about discovering Wavvvvves bro. When the blogs 'practically made' Washed Out. He spoke when the 'chillwave' trend started, when people learned that they needed to pretend they liked Neon Indian. The more the masses blogged and tweetaleeted, the more Carles separated himself. In 2k9 Carles launched a fashion line. Then he launched the meme/band 'Jesus Christ' (the indie band). He grew further from the internet, pursuing new alternative careers, all the meanwhile bringing our attention the zombie/Edward Cullen 'vampire cock' love of indie idols and the need for trending worship.
/////After ______ some bad _____ , Carles died. Or did we kill him?////
Where have all the bloggers gone? 1st Maddox, now Carles. Seems like he went 'before his time.' Only 'the good' 'die young.'
Carles spoke when bloggers blogged
(Carles is dead Carles is dead)
Carles dreamed while Hypem clogged
(Carles is dead Carles is dying)
Follow the Carles wherever he goes
(Carles is running P4k is sighing)
Help the Carles with 'real world' woes
(Carles is dead the people are crying)
Is this the greatest internet suicide since Ed Drosty deleted his tweeter?
Why do you think Carles 'offed himself?'
- 2k9
- WaveWave
- Forkshit
- Chillwave
- Kanye West
- Tao Lin
- 'mad hits'
- 'the blogosphere'
- Tweet Tweets
- book deal
- the Dov Charneys
- 'look at this fucking hiptards'
- where the wild things are
- wes anderson
- attack riding with lance armstrong
- Steve Aoki?
- wes anderson slow motion shots
- neon indian
- mac lappy broke :(
- traded in mac lappy for windows 7
- Anthony Vlody
- feeling 'washed out'
- he 'made bank'
- stale tofurky
- no longer relevant
- choose.your.own.response.
Do u think the internet needs a bully?
Who will be the new bully?
Did Carles 'fake' his death?
Did some1 'Hackster Ranoff' Hipster Runoff?
Are skinny jeans still fashionable?
What does this mean for the blogosphere?
Is 'alt' dead?
Maybe he killed Carles.
"Another 1 'bites the dust'"
-the freddie mercuries
'Smell ya later. bye.'
-Carles
So profound. So beautiful. Seems like it's 'from the heart.' Just wish we could talk to you right now. Gunna miss you bro.
Want 2 smell u real bad.
Is 'alt' dead?
Maybe he killed Carles.
"Another 1 'bites the dust'"
-the freddie mercuries
////Relevant artists have shared their thoughts on Carles' death and have produced tribute covers to Carles' life on their personal brand building websites. Here are their words of adoration for the Carles////
"He was a good bro. No, a great bro. Wish I got to know him better. He was one us."
-Ashton Kutcher
"Never forget the time we did that one thing together."
-Will.i.Am
"I FUCKING MISS YOU SO MUCH CARLES. RIP!!!!!!!!!!"
-Kanye West
"Carles was and is a memoriam to his own disregarded sense of self-consciousness in a post-blog binary sound wave era."
-Pitchfork
"Carles will forever be the greatest meme, especially in his death."
-Rick Astley
"See you soon bro."
-DJ AM
"Carles had a little Sasha Fierce in him."
-Beyonce
". . ."
-Tao Lin
"If I had a Carles for every bro I had right now, I'd have one bro. I think."
-Dane Cooke
"Livestrong Carles. Livestrong. Deadstrong. Livedead."
-Lance Armstrong
"Temecula Carlesrise"
-The Dirty Projectors
'Smell ya later. bye.'
-Carles
So profound. So beautiful. Seems like it's 'from the heart.' Just wish we could talk to you right now. Gunna miss you bro.
Want 2 smell u real bad.
heaven is a place to learn about bros/be a better bro
Read yesterday on the Daily Swarm about the 'ABC JESUS RAP.' Feel like most evangys think this is 'fucking ridiculous,' but chilling with Jesus has 'given me a new perspective.' Seems like learning this rap will put u in 'god's good graces' by making us all better bros.
BE 'SEXUALLY ACTIVE'
The ABC Jesus RAP is hip, fresh, fun, researched based, exciting but most importantly engaging.•Teaches letter and letter sounds•Teaches beginning reading skills
•Teaches phonics
•Teaches bible words
•Increases vocabulary development
•Increases listening skills
•Increase phonemic awareness
Feel like i 'could've written this shit.' Think Jeezus is trying 2 copy my 'verbal aesthetic.' He says 'everything is for a reason,' and wants me to 'relay the message' to my tweeple. Here's the lesson plan:
ENERGY DRINKS
Think this might be an adverty for 'Redbull,' possibly Sparks. Miss being able to enjoy liquids [via gastronomic system]. Jesus gets 'high on life,' teaches us that 'blow' is probably 'detrimental to our health,' that we must seek alt-energy drinks [via holy water].
'BUZZ BANDS'
It's important to 'forgive' failed buzzbands. In heaven it's 'okay' to listen 2 Clap Your Hands + Say Yeah. It's good to listen 2 'successful' indy bands like Griz Bear, but u get more respect for 'giving others a 2nd chance.' Listenin 2 the Black Kiddies on my iPhone ryte now, feels like I'm 'disrespecting' the blogosphere though. Jesus just tells me to 'calm the fuck down.'
'RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE WITH UR BROS'
Jesus: Crucification seems unchill. feel like there's 'less painful' ways 2 die.
Paul + Bros: thought we were supposed 2 'sacrifice' u. can we take Becca and Mikebro instead?
Jesus: Take Carles. He was a good blog.
Paul + Bros: And what about AnCo, can we take them t00?
Jesus: Paul, be kind. Take Wavvvvvesbro.
Feel like Adam is trying to show Eve his 'massive hard-on' but Eve just wants 2 'binge' on Apples. It's good 2 show gurls that there's 'more to life' than being vegan and living the healthy lifestyle brand. Got 2 show you can 'father children' and 'cum on command.' Even Jeezus says this is okay.
Do yall have any q's you want me to ask Jeezy?
What lessons did you learn from the ABC rap?
Do yall think Jeezy is into 'fine ass nuns,' lyk the one this pic?
Will all children in 2k10 have 'increased phonemic awareness?'
We die. we change. We keep on bloggin.
In death I feel that my 'priorities' in life are changing. Feel that the irony of my previous statement shouldn't 'get on my nerves' like it used to.
Think I'm losing weight. Which is 'good'.
Trying to find new voices, dead voices. Sometimes get an overwhelming 'sense' of being like Haley Joel Osmond. Find the need to make puns [via Brucey WIllis films]
Writing about the top songs of 2k9-2k19 seems 'irrelevant' when so much of my time is spent playing patty cake with the 'fully grown' Jesus.
Regrets are scary and mnstrm. Suddenly getting an urge to form 'full sentences' in death since my body is so 'fragmented'.
What's that Father? You need to borrow my MacLappy charger? Ok. My MacBook Bro is better than your MacBook Bro. jk jk lol, pls don't smite me!
Need yalls help to know if you still want to hear about 'most blogged artists' and concert going 'experiences'. Hard to get authentic pix from heaven, don't have enough pixels. Need to use Googley Images. Need to make more puns [via images]
Leave cmnts on the remains of my body to tell me what makes my dead self a 'saved soul worth blogging about'.
miss yall.
Think I'm losing weight. Which is 'good'.
Trying to find new voices, dead voices. Sometimes get an overwhelming 'sense' of being like Haley Joel Osmond. Find the need to make puns [via Brucey WIllis films]
Writing about the top songs of 2k9-2k19 seems 'irrelevant' when so much of my time is spent playing patty cake with the 'fully grown' Jesus.
Regrets are scary and mnstrm. Suddenly getting an urge to form 'full sentences' in death since my body is so 'fragmented'.
What's that Father? You need to borrow my MacLappy charger? Ok. My MacBook Bro is better than your MacBook Bro. jk jk lol, pls don't smite me!
Need yalls help to know if you still want to hear about 'most blogged artists' and concert going 'experiences'. Hard to get authentic pix from heaven, don't have enough pixels. Need to use Googley Images. Need to make more puns [via images]
Leave cmnts on the remains of my body to tell me what makes my dead self a 'saved soul worth blogging about'.
miss yall.
Facebook changes and dies. Tweeple Mourn.
Read this open letter today from one of my death inspirations, Marky Mark Zuckerberger.
He died 2 years ago and rose again as Twitter/other alt social networking websites.
He started his letter to the free world by saying that 350 million bros in the entire globalized America/the world are using FB-book.
Immediately I felt small. Immediately I felt insignificant. Immediately I felt relieved to be dead.
He died 2 years ago and rose again as Twitter/other alt social networking websites.
He started his letter to the free world by saying that 350 million bros in the entire globalized America/the world are using FB-book.
Immediately I felt small. Immediately I felt insignificant. Immediately I felt relieved to be dead.
He said that these bros were using Facebook to 'share their lives online'. Can't help but think that when i died my 'soul' lived on [via @Facebook/the web].
Seems like this altbro who I once respected is trying to 'overcome disconnectedness' and mold a greater body of 'humanity' so that he can feel that he has done something 'significant' with his life since dropping out of Harvard. Wishes his site was like Wikipedia but less MNSTRM. Wishes his site was like hipsterrunoff when I used to write for it, but less dead. Hate when the ppl we heart in our innocence and youth become the people we h8 in death.
Thought I was in touch with the avg. altbag but guess not cuz 13,819 ppl 'liked this'. Feeling irrelevant. Hope the other 350 million minus 13,819 people dislike this. Wish they had a way to express themselves of this dislike.
The gist of Marky Mark Zuckerberg's open letter to the world:
- Better privacy to prevent Uncle Steve from checking out your nude pixxx.
- No more networks so that mnstrm douche from your Geophysical Systems Class 101 will stop tugging it to keut pics of you in sweaty flannel at a party in Williamsburg.
- "Thanks for being a part of making Facebook what it is today, and for helping to make the world more open and connected."
Not sure how to respond. Want to leave a comment saying 'you're welcome' but don't know if I have done my part to make the world more open and connected. Feel like there is still racism on the internet.
There will probably be another facebook 'redesign' which will make tweeple 'angry' and threaten to 'get rid' of their facebookies. Marky Mark will laugh from the grave with me, hand in hand. I will have spit on my hand before the hand holding begins. He will feel connected through our saliva. He will contract H1N1H2OhNo.
Do yall feel that social media/networking/soul sharing is taking over the world?
Found this poem that expresses my confusion with social networking:
A Click Too Soon
A Self Aware Poem by Social Media Blogger, Carles
Alt once ruled the land.
Then alt cntrl delete.
The tweeple blended into machines.
We restarted but forgot to clear our History.
The result was not as tasty as the cookies looked.
Everyone in our network saw the cookies.
They tried to eat them,
but Marky Mark Zuckerberger took them away.
'Tweet' your way out the door.
Doubters need not App-ly.
The MacLappy remained, the MacLappy remained.
Hope that helps you overcome disconnectedness as it has helped me overcome the mourning of my death.
DISLIKE BUTTON HERE.
Seems like this altbro who I once respected is trying to 'overcome disconnectedness' and mold a greater body of 'humanity' so that he can feel that he has done something 'significant' with his life since dropping out of Harvard. Wishes his site was like Wikipedia but less MNSTRM. Wishes his site was like hipsterrunoff when I used to write for it, but less dead. Hate when the ppl we heart in our innocence and youth become the people we h8 in death.
Thought I was in touch with the avg. altbag but guess not cuz 13,819 ppl 'liked this'. Feeling irrelevant. Hope the other 350 million minus 13,819 people dislike this. Wish they had a way to express themselves of this dislike.
The gist of Marky Mark Zuckerberg's open letter to the world:
- Better privacy to prevent Uncle Steve from checking out your nude pixxx.
- No more networks so that mnstrm douche from your Geophysical Systems Class 101 will stop tugging it to keut pics of you in sweaty flannel at a party in Williamsburg.
- "Thanks for being a part of making Facebook what it is today, and for helping to make the world more open and connected."
Not sure how to respond. Want to leave a comment saying 'you're welcome' but don't know if I have done my part to make the world more open and connected. Feel like there is still racism on the internet.
There will probably be another facebook 'redesign' which will make tweeple 'angry' and threaten to 'get rid' of their facebookies. Marky Mark will laugh from the grave with me, hand in hand. I will have spit on my hand before the hand holding begins. He will feel connected through our saliva. He will contract H1N1H2OhNo.
Do yall feel that social media/networking/soul sharing is taking over the world?
Found this poem that expresses my confusion with social networking:
A Click Too Soon
A Self Aware Poem by Social Media Blogger, Carles
Alt once ruled the land.
Then alt cntrl delete.
The tweeple blended into machines.
We restarted but forgot to clear our History.
The result was not as tasty as the cookies looked.
Everyone in our network saw the cookies.
They tried to eat them,
but Marky Mark Zuckerberger took them away.
'Tweet' your way out the door.
Doubters need not App-ly.
The MacLappy remained, the MacLappy remained.
Hope that helps you overcome disconnectedness as it has helped me overcome the mourning of my death.
DISLIKE BUTTON HERE.
Follow me. I will rise again if you follow me.
Thinking that if I can blog from the dead I can tweet from the dead.
Will help me feel connected with earthly tweeples.
Will force me to come to terms with my own 'mortality'.
Will help inform you of new bloggyspot posts.
@carlesisdead
Having posthumous branding issues. What do yall think my new 'prof pic' should be?
Will help me feel connected with earthly tweeples.
Will force me to come to terms with my own 'mortality'.
Will help inform you of new bloggyspot posts.
@carlesisdead
Having posthumous branding issues. What do yall think my new 'prof pic' should be?
LIVESTRONG [via the afterlife]
Is Lance Armstrong the most authentic bike bro ever?
Wow, I can totally relate. No wonder the Lance Armstrong brand is so strong. Fleet Foxes help 'get me through the day,' too.
Just want to ride my bike all day, into the sunset
Want to win races and conquer the world
Want to win races and get sponsored [via Smart Water]
Want to win races and raise money for a fashionable charity
Just want to ride my bike all day, with my favorite band
(Just wants to ride all day with his favorite band)
The Fleet Foxes complete me, help ride into the day
My fellow bros don't know what I'm listening to
They think I listen to Creed, but they are wrong
I am different. I am an individual. I have the Fleet Foxes.
Discovered this band before 2k8
We ride together, We die together
In Mykonos.
What music defines your ride?
The Spoonus Christ makes me want to 'come back to life'
Read today on NPR (national public radioclit) that Spoon released a new 'single.' Reminds me of 'the good old days' when I was 'alive.' Seems like Spoon wants to write songs in 'reverse' now to be more 'relevant' or 'gimmicky' possibly. Is Britt Danny boy the next Pandy Bear?
Haven't listened to this song yet, not sure if I will. Feel like it's hard to listen to things once you 'just died.' Feel sad that Mikebro didn't put Spoon the 'best of the decade' list. 'Wish I could have been there' to 'just say no' to the Jack Shlongsons.
NPR (national public radioclit) says it's 'might just be the best thing' the Spoonus Christ has 'ever done.' Not sure if I believe this. Reminds me of my old band Jesus Christ. (the indie band). Thought we had a chance at 'making it.' Do yall think we were better than Spoonus?
Saw Spoonus a lot on Elbows tonight. Feel like Spoonus is the second coming. Feel like if enough people blog about them, they might move up a couple spots on the Elbows chart, right below Kanye West (miss u bro).
Wish I could be 'alive' again. Guess you can't 'bring back the dead.' Not sure how I'm still blogging. Feels like it's a 'fucking miracle' or something.
Will 'Transference' be big in 2k10?
Is Spoon a 'bunch of old geezers' now?
Do yall think I should get the comments section back?
Will more 'widgets' make me 'happy?'
It is even possible to 'talk to the dead?'
Miss yall.
Unsure About Death
Hey yall,
Not sure how I feel about 'retiring/dying.' Heaven seems chill, but lonely without my internet friends.
Sort of embarrassed by Mikebro, seems like a chillbro, but am still embarrassed. Do all bros 'go to heaven?' Do yall think I could make 'mad bank' with a post-death lifestyle brand? Is blogspot more authentic than wordpress?
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